Brendon's learning

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"One of the many public urinals that remain unused" Email to a friend

AFL
AFL SURVEY FINDS “MANY” AFL PLAYERS ARE TOILET TRAINED
THE AFL has been encouraged by an independent survey of League players which has found “many” are toilet trained to at least Year 3 student standards.

“Our findings suggest 638 of 640 players on senior lists can be relied upon to find an official toilet, unzip their own pants and aim directly and accurately, at least 60 per cent of the time,” Professor Quinton Poindexter-Smythe of the Ponds Institute told thebladder.com

“Obviously these findings vary wildly once you approach a Saturday night, or any time in the 48 hours following an AFL game. Then the likelihood of a player using a proper toilet drops to 12 per cent, but that’s still 10 per cent ahead of the NRL findings on the same subject.”

Professor Poindexter-Smythe was encouraged that hardly any AFL players reported doing “no 2s” in public on weekdays.

“There was that car windscreen incident but we’ve all decided not to dwell on that,” he said.

AFL spokesman Haydn Bunton-Smallhorn said the Ponds Institute findings were sobering but would be taken seriously by the League.

“The AFL has accepted the findings and work is being done behind the scenes. Brendon Fevola is hitting the little paper ducky target we placed in the water of his toilet 7 out of 10 times now. Kane Johnson has stopped cocking his leg on trees as he walks to Punt Road. This is definitely an area of football where progress is being made.”